My boys

     Pat had to go pick up his new uniforms yesterday so I decided we would all tag along, in the hopes that we could stop at a park and the boys could get out and run, because it's been so cold here lately, it's been hard for them to really go outside. And since it was a fairly calm day we decided to try again. (We tried on Saturday as well, and right after we got to the park the wind kicked up and it was a freezing wind so we had to leave) 

     So we stopped to get something to eat, and then stopped a nature preserve.  It was still over cast, kinda cold, and EXTREMELY wet!!! The ground was flooded. So the boys had a great time jumping in the puddles, until Kelly fell and then I put a stop to the jumping.  ( I know I'm such a mean mom, lol)

    I took the opportunity to take a few shots of the boys.  Here a few of my favorites.

 I absolutely LOVE this picture of my boys!!! 

 I had the funnest time taking pictures of Cameron... He was so serious until I asked him to smile and then he'd bust up laughing. It was the cutest thing ever!

 And I had to threaten to take away his phone forever to get him to smile.  Kelly just doesn't like to smile but I got a few.

This was after I told him that I'd throw the phone in the creek right behind him. Or it could have been after Pat came up and did the whole "bunny ears" behind my head. Who knows... lol (I didn't really tell him I'd throw it in the creek, but the bunny ears are very true) lol

I swear I get this look ALL the time!!! It's his 'I'm only humoring you but I think you're a huge dork' look.  lol  I still love all my boys!!!

Blankets I've made

It's taken me awhile to get the pictures off my camera.  I did the first three in the last three months of 2010.  The last one I've done a bunch of times. 
  My grandma taught me how to crochet when I was younger and I'm glad she did.  I may get irritated when I screw up a blanket, but when I see the finished product, I love it!!! I have so much fun making them.  


                                          This one is the one I did for my mother in law for Christmas.  It's one of my favorite ones I've done so far.  

This is a baby blanket I did for one of Pat's friends.  They had their first baby. I couldn't decide if I liked the blue and white together or if it looked too girlie.

This one was for my sister.  The one that didn't get done by Christmas but was done a week later.  It's done in her wedding colors.  It was fun to do once I figured out what exactly I was doing. lol

And the "original" baby blanket.  I've made this one about 6 times now.  I love it and the mom's seem too as well.  

Fears

I'm actually amazed that it hasn't been as long since I last wrote. Not that this post is anything very important, instead, just thoughts I was having while sitting in my mostly quiet kitchen. It's 1pm, and my husband is still asleep, (he was up really late last night), my kids are gone, one with his dad and the other with my sister. It's been snowing all morning so I don't really want to go outside. So I sit here in my kitchen with a mug of hot chocolate and my stereo playing, (low so not to wake the husband).

I was thinking about the snow a bit ago, thinking that even if it wasn't snowing and was super warm, I'd still only feel comfortable going into my back yard. The neighborhood outside my front door almost feels alien to me. I mean the part from the door to the car isn't bad, and once I'm in the car I'm fine. But I've never been for a stroll around the neighborhood. What I can see is from my front room windows. Which now because of the weight of the snow in the branches of the evergreen tree across the street I can now see that they have a windmill in their backyard. I've never seen it before. It's actually spinning quite fast at the moment. It got me wondering what else I've never seen. The problem is that I don't feel at home here. In my house, yes. I feel very at home here, but the rest of the neighborhood, not so much. My neighbors so far are pretty nice, in fact Mr. Next Door Neighbor is snow blowing my sidewalks as I write this. I've never asked him to. He's just doing it to be helpful. They also brought me over cookies the other day, just to say hi. I've never had neighbors do that before.

My problem is that for the last few years, I've gained some weight and it's made me very self conscious about going out in public. I've afraid everyone is looking at me and thinking about how much I weigh. It's stopped me from doing things I used to really enjoy. Like going for walks and investigating my neighborhood. It's made me find solitary things to do instead. And I really hate that.

I read a blog post today that talked about fears. It was a really good post and a lot of the fears that were mentioned in it are the same ones I have, (though not the going out in public one, this was about writing.) I've never really mentioned that I want to write to anyone. My family knows and encourage me but I'm too scared to tell anyone else or really show them what I've written. I'm taking online classes for writing and even at that, I'm not progressing as much as I'd like too because I'm too scared to put myself out there to let anyone see my work, or I'm afraid that they will think I'm completely stupid. I have one assignment that I have been working on for a long time because it's an assignment that I have to give my opinion on what I read, and I don't want the teacher thinking I completely missed the point or that I'm never going to pass the class. The worst part is that my father in law taught both English and Spanish and he would be more than happy to help me, but I just don't dare ask him because I don't want his opinion of me to fall either. I'd rather the teacher, who I don't know, think I'm slow than my father in law. I was very intimidated by him when I first went to their house. Luckily I never had him in high school, but his kids speak with proper grammar and I usually don't. Not because I can't. Usually just because I don't want to. Until I met him. Now I try all the time if I'm talking to him.

I think that the fears keeping me inside go hand in hand with the fears keeping me from writing. I read what I write and think it's garbage. So I don't let anyone see what I'm writing anymore. When I first started I had what the blog I read calls a beta reader, but I've even stopped sending her the pages. For two reasons. I don't think that she has the time anymore, and I'm not writing as much anymore. I'm just too scared. I sit down to write, and I get writers block because I want to write something great, and I'm afraid I can't do great and so I just sit there. I read other peoples works and think it's great. I want to get over this. I don't really even care if I was ever a published writer, I just want to finish what I start. I want to write for me. And if anyone else enjoys it, so much the better. I hate that the fear is almost paralyzing. My goal is to get past it... now to figure out how... lol

Happy New Year!!

I hope that this year finds everyone healthy and happy!!!

So I really am going to set some REASONABLE goals this year and try very hard to keep them!! I always start out great, like everybody does, and then I just end up forgetting.
One of the things I want to be better with, is being nicer. And having more patience. I start out great with this one, but I just don't seem to have as much patience as I used too....

Christmas was great!! Could have been a little less stressful,but.....
We opened our family presents first before anyone got here, and then waited for everyone else to get here to open the rest. Pat had to work for 4 hours in the afternoon, so we had to have it all done before he left. I hate when he has to work on major holidays. His building is closed, he shouldn't have to work. But they are very shorthanded at his work, so he had to pull a shift as well.
I recently found out that one of my oldest friends, (as in knowing her the longest) is getting a divorce. It was a complete shock to her. She didn't know that her husband was even thinking about it. And they'd been married for a really long time. She found out right after Christmas. It always gets me thinking... I am so grateful for my husband and for our marriage. I am so blessed. While waiting for my father in law's surgery to be over my mother in law and I were talking and I said something along the lines of "we'll I'm glad because you're kinda stuck with me." to which she replied that she was glad because she doesn't want to lose me. (which was super sweet) But I told her that somehow I had managed to learn from my past marriage, and what I DID NOT want again, and what I wanted different and I waited until I found it. I didn't rush out to find it, I was having fun playing the field to think seriously about getting married again but when I found Pat I knew that he was what I was looking for. He is NOTHING like my ex-husband. Our marriage is NOTHING like my previous one. We have a very stable and rock solid marriage. We are very happy and in love and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to find it again. Or it would take a very, very long time to find it again so I am happy right where I am. I am more than content. lol I often wish that others had marriages like mine. We do have our disagreements, but they are very few and far between. I just want everyone to have my happiness.
Now, my friend thought she was happy too, and in no way saw this coming. I still don't know all the details as I have respected her privacy and not asked, but I know she thought she'd be married forever to him. I am so heartbroken for her and her boys!! Her boys don't understand at all. She is such a strong woman that I know she can get through this, but I am heartbroken for the pain she is going through now, and in the future.

Pat went to work the Monday after Christmas to find out that one of his acquaintances had passed away. He was pretty young, ok like 30-40ish. Maybe a little older. This man had giving us a wedding gift when he didn't really know us, and he was always so nice and would make sure that at least waved if he saw us. I admit I didn't know him very well at all, but he was just SO nice that I really am heartbroken over it. Why is it that it seems like that cliche is true, "the good die young" ??? I just don't understand. I mean I don't want anyone to die, like I'm not wishing for anyone's death, but out of all the people out there, why is it always the nice ones??

Well, now that I brought this post down so much, I guess I'll go ahead and go do some facebook time before bed!! lol

I hope you all have a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!